I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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