I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
