and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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