They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did i just pee glitter
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
