sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
