My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
