Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
