i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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