i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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