what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
