respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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