This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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