i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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