Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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