if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
