He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
handjob tips. give me some.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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