I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
