She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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