dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
