roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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