Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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