I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please come you make the beer taste better
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
