Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
