I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
