OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
