Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
