Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
