i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
