Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
