I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
