If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
