I am spending my child support on dildos
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he was CRYING into my vagina
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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