o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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