My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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