And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize