Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
