the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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