How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I want a musical about memes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
