i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
