So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
