woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize