You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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