happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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