I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
