Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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