We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
