Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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