Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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