my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
