So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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