How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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