It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
