She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
