you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
