her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
