I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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