I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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