I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
