You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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