he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
