we have officially lost it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
