so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
