i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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