You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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