i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
