Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
