3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
did you just send me my own nude
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
