Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
