I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
