I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
