I feel like abortions should bother me more
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
