Duck Duck Cougar?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
