Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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