yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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