last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
