I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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