Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
