no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
