allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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