Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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