what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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